That Which I Value

I had just closed down work for the day when I decided to take a nap before heading home. No sooner had I dozed off when I had the following dream..

I found myself in a strange rock-strewn landscape. Twilight covered almost everything in shadow but there was enough of a golden glow in the horizon. A forlorn feeling hung in the air as if this world was full of regret and disappointment. 

As I wandered through this desert-like place, I discovered that what I thought were rocks were actually moldering piles of all sorts of worldly treasures: broken gold bars, dirt-encrusted jewels, rags that were once  tailored suits, wrecks of cars and boats, toppled monuments and in the distance ruins of mansions and palaces. I also noticed fluttering like dry leaves in the autumn wind, dried up pieces of paper that could only be torn pages of books, photographs, documents and lots of ripped up bills and checks. Indeed the whole place looked like it was filled with all that had value - except they were in such a sorry state of ruin they were no more than trash.

In this junkyard of vanity, I noticed another soul watching me.. He beckoned me to follow him and together we walked among the debris in silence until I found the courage to speak.

"Sir" I asked, "What is this place?"

My companion answered, "It is the place where one discards all that he bears without value before he can be judged fit for Heaven." 

I looked around at the refuse of treasure and  nodded understanding.

"Indeed no one can take any of these beyond the grave. All these wealth, power and glory are but dross in the economy of Heaven and are counted worthless."

"True." my companion replied, "But do you not see how so much of what has been discarded are  things of true and precious value?"  

I followed his gaze as he looked down at the ground. To my surprised I noticed that it was full of crumbling books, newspapers, portraits in gilt frames and every kind of document certifying expertise,education and philanthropy  The shifting dust also revealed checks donating huge sums to all sorts of noble causes as well as broken collection plates and tithing bags.

My companion stooped and carefully picked up a crumbling medical text. Gently brushing the dust from its cover, he  gently explained,

"The worldly dross you have seen has been left here with regret and disappointment. But these have been shamelessly discarded.  Family, Knowledge, Charity and Good Deeds - all these have been dropped willingly and without thought  

Consider this medical tome. It contains the knowledge to heal and set straight the ailments of the body. But the man who read it chose to keep that knowledge in the back of his man for it gave him no profit or brought little to increase his stature before men. Knowledge Unused is like an empty goblet to man dying of thirst. while Knowledge Misused is a vial of poison to one in need of medicine..

I stared in deep thought as he gently replaced the book on the ground. There was little doubt I had little worldly goods to leave here but I worried what pearls have I cast to the swine. 

My Companion must have sensed my dilemma for he said, "You must learn to value three things."

I waited in excitement at what these were.

"First you must value yourself."

This response caught me off guard but he raised his hand and continued.

"I do not mean raise your self up in pride and self-arrogance. Rather, remember that there is only one you. Therefore how much value you place on your being - your body, your mind, your soul  determines what you would willingly leave here"

I confidently answered, "Surely I have valued my body well enough to keep it fed, clothed, clean and free from disease. My mind I have valued well enough to keep it filled with knowledge put to good use and my soul, by my devotions to God"

My Companion responded, "Indeed you have but valuing your body goes beyond feeding and bathing it. You must see that it is undefiled by sin, steered away from the company of evil, shielded from lust, and stripped of anything trivial, worthless and unholy."

"To truly value your mind means to bridle it from running wild with filthy imagination, idle thought, and worthless trivia. You must give it focused and inspired"

"To truly value your soul means more than just daily prayer, good deeds, occasional reading of the Holy Writ or three hours of ritual and ceremony. You must garnish it with virtue, living what you know to believe and know to be true and worshiping with acts of faith and service" 

"What you do turn into a better you determines how much you value yourself."

I bowed my head in humbled acceptance.

"Next you must value others"

I looked at the scattered photographs and portraits, the donation checks and thought I understood.

My Companion gave a knowing smile and nodded.

"Yes valuing others does include honoring your family, providing for them. But there is more than just bringing home the bacon. You value your family when you put it's well-being above the honors of the world. Do not delude yourself into thinking that all you do is for their good when in truth, it is more for you. Do not let work be an excuse to spend less time with your children. Never let her being your help-meet be reason to leave the raising of your offspring to your wife. Your being the head of the family should not give you reason to turn away your son's request for play so you could nap; scowl in disappointment at your daughter's low grades, or mumbled responses to your wife as she tries to tell you of her day.

I cringe with guilt as his words struck home.

:"The value you give others is manifested  when you chose to forgive wrongdoings in order to restore friendship, keep confidences, and refuse to take advantage of their words and generosity. You value your neighbor not just for the good he can do you but when you do not envy his fortune, speak ill of his faults, or begrudge his actions.".

I now began to see how much of a treasure trove had I been carelessly been dumping on the grounds of this forsaken world that I openly began to weep.

My Companion gently placed a hand in comfort upon my shoulder and gently whispered.. 

"That's why you must value me above all"

Shock jolted my being. Suddenly I realized who my Companion was. My knees quaked as I realized I had not recognized He valued me above all His creations and the One I valued as Friend, Savior and God. I wanted to leap with joy and tell him that. However vivid memories of how often I cruelly nailed Him back on the that cruel cross with each wanton misdeed and denial assaulted my mind and bound my tongue. Revulsion at my worthlessness  ripped out whatever pride and arrogance I had in myself. I sank to the ground writhing in agony and despair, my wails rending the air, as I begged for mercy. .

"Please Lord, cast me not out!"

-----

Tribute to the Dying Sun

Sunset on the way to Maslah, Tadian, Mt. Province, Philippines. Photo by Florence P.


Day is dying. From its perch atop the purple peaks, the sun sends its final farewell to the forest now lingering in shadow below. Waving sadly in response, tall fronds reach up to catch the golden glow that spreads across the horizon.  Overhead, the sky continues to desperately cling to the day with pastel shades of blue but rolling clouds of various grays begin to take-over its domain. 


Soon Night will come....

The Night Wanderer

I am the Night Wanderer.

Tonight, I walk a lonely meandering road through wood-covered hills whose trees, stripped bare of foliage, stretch skeletal limbs to night sky like a mob of famished souls pleading to the moon.

.

I am alone.

In this dark and dreary landscape, the night wind sings out a lonely moan as it moves slowly through the trees, rattling limbs and branches and tracing my face with invisible wet fingers before fading in the distance. In the silence that remains, the moon slips behind a cloud casting a blanket of darkness and I am left to rely on crunch of my feet on asphalt to tell me that I still tread the road.

As I continue deeper into the night, twin tails of light moving in the distance catches my eye. A fellow traveler! I am excited  by the thought that I pause to watch for this hint of companionship. There! I see the light zoom like a comet, disappear,  reappear flickering and then dipping before finally disappearing. I anxiously wait for it to reappear but either the traveler has reached its destination or the road is so obscured by shadow because it never does,

I am disappointed but wait a little longer.

Finally it makes no sense to linger anymore and so I wearily resume following  the road it sloped down and around these darkened hills..

It is past midnight when I find myself surrounded on all sides by the silhouettes of trees so tall they blend with the darkness of the sky. The moon has yet to come out but my eyes have longed since adjusted to the darkness, I am able to discern the silhouette of a car parked by the roadside a few hundred feet from me. The traveler! My excitement carries me forward until I am startled by  a faint flash of light as the headlights turn on. The engine growls but all too soon it fades to a wheeze and the headlights shine no further than a couple of yards before fading. The headlights flash on again but this time, it is sickly yellow gleam that lingers before slowly fading. The engine does not start.

Through a greenish luminescence inside the car, I can see the driver and lone occupant. It is a woman struggling to undo the straps of her seat-belt, her frantic movements betraying fright and panic. I can see her hand pulling free and pushing the door open. No sooner that it does, when all of a sudden the woman pulls back the door and hunches forward on her seat, eyes peering wildly at the surrounding darkness, her knuckles gripped tightly on the steering wheel.

I start walking rapidly towards the vehicle when a strange chill begins to creep up my spine and the hairs at the base of my neck begin to rise. I had sensed no danger in the woods that I passed earlier but this time it tightened my gut and drew cold sweat from my forehead. Was there something in the darkness  that drove the woman back to her car?  I can see the woman still staring wildly from the inside of the car and begin to wonder if the ordeal of having to breakdown on a dark road at midnight, put such a strain on her mind so as to have it conjure horror lurking in the shadows. In such a state, I begin to realize that my arrival - the sudden appearance of a stranger – would not be a welcomed relief as I thought it would be but rather the visit of a demon from Hell.

Something breaks my stride and I fall to an awkward crouch. An invisible force of knocks me down further and an icy wind breaths over my prostrate being. An eerie moan calls out and immediately, a strange cacophony of sounds like an army of skeletons started rattling from the unseen treetops. Terror fills my breast and I begin repeating to myself a strange mantra. "This is wind. Nothing more but wind and loose-hanging branches"

In the car, the woman writhes in agony. Her hands are clamped over her ears and the wild shaking of her head flings her hair across her face. Though I am still some distance, that  weird luminescence inside her car, allows me to discern that her eyes are squeezed shut and her mouth gaped open in screams I cannot hear.

 The evil moaning and rattling continue in crescendo.

After what seems like an eternity, a corner of the moon finally peeps out from behind the clouds and silver light peels back the darkness. The strange moaning and rattling abruptly stop and I feel relief wash over and unglue me from the ground. A comforting breeze now blows gently and I breathe in huge gulps of air until I feel my strength return and I am able to pull myself up.

I start towards the car but a sudden familiar feeling of dread pulls me to a stop. The moonlight allows me to see the woman slumped back in her seat, arms crossed across her chest in self embrace, her head fallen forward. My feet drag as I cross the road and gingerly pass the vehicle instead on its passenger’s side. An unseen hand forces my face to look forward but my mind screams at me to check the still figure in the driver's seat. I slowly lean forward but I keep my eyes averted until I can no longer help myself from taking a look.

The car is a good distance behind me but I am still running.

I am the Night Wanderer.

Sun Catcher

Standing where water meets sand, Sun Catcher stretches her arms waiting for the edge of Twilight: the precise moment where the sun changes from glaring flash of blinding light until it is a golden ball gently descending into the horizon. Sun Catcher reverently opens hands like a bird unfolding its wings and slowly, gently cups the glowing ball of the sun.

The sun is captured.

In that moment all Time stops as Light and Shadow, Earth and Sky, Water and Sand, Surf and Tide,  Motion and Sound are stilled and balanced.by the slender figure of the maiden holding aloft the glowing ball  of light. Twilight holds its breathe - Night is halted and Day is kept from dying.

Seconds pass. However Sun Catcher realized that that holding back the dying of the light brings no more good than stopping the waves from reaching the shore. Life held back from moving beyond Youth would not have meaning  and Dreams Unfulfilled would stale and crumble. A Universe kept from expanding would crash.

And so with tears of sadness but not regret, Sun Catcher lowered her arms  and set  the golden ball into the horizon. The dying sun turned into a brilliant hue of crimson and slowly sank but not without releasing one final burst of pinkish hues that stretched across the sky and sea. Twilight has arrived.

Now the tide begins to rise, its roaring surf rushing with renewed energy to the darkening shore. Tiny pricks of starlight  like eyes open one by one heralding the coming of  Night. As shadows race toward her in the gathering dark, Sun Catcher is a lonely silhouette bidding farewell to the last faint light from her beloved sun.

And then she is gone.....

(photo by Kara P)